My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
