she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
