Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
