i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
