dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
