I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
