i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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