I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
