Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
