Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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