My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
