I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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