i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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