I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
