Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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