Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
