i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
