Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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