Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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