Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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