Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
