About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
