I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I AM VODKA MAN
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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