In America we eat man semen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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