Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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