The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
