Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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