Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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