How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
