I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
