just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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