I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
