apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
