The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
