Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
