My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
