is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
