Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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