Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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