you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
