wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
