I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
