There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
