Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
