I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
