allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
