living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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