Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
