I am midnight drunk by noon
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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