Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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