I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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