My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
