What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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