My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
