I am spending my child support on dildos
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
