So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize