That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
