U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Slut skills are useful in every country.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
