The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
