It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
