How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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