i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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