Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
