Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
