Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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