Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we're so committed to being not committed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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