Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
