I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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