under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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