oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
