Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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