Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
