I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize