I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
